Comments on: Spiritual Abuse http://gwilliam.com/nathan/spiritual-abuse/ Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:57:08 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Nora Curtis http://gwilliam.com/nathan/spiritual-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-162 Nora Curtis Mon, 08 Jun 2009 21:29:48 +0000 http://gwilliam.com/nathan/?p=149#comment-162 It's difficult for people to have a normal conversation about abuse. If confronted with their own abusive behavior, some people will recoil in horror, saying that they never intended to be abusive. In fact, they are, but they are oblivious to their own ways of abusing others. Coming up with your own version of your own assumed humiliation is one, as above. Another is the diminishing of the pain: "well, that can be left in the past, you need to move on, etc" and the forcing forgetting. Which tells the sufferer that the listener has no idea of what pain she is talking about! Some help is here: www.healingfromemotionalabuse.com It’s difficult for people to have a normal conversation about abuse. If confronted with their own abusive behavior, some people will recoil in horror, saying that they never intended to be abusive. In fact, they are, but they are oblivious to their own ways of abusing others.
Coming up with your own version of your own assumed humiliation is one, as above. Another is the diminishing of the pain: “well, that can be left in the past, you need to move on, etc” and the forcing forgetting. Which tells the sufferer that the listener has no idea of what pain she is talking about! Some help is here: http://www.healingfromemotionalabuse.com

]]> By: Eric http://gwilliam.com/nathan/spiritual-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-161 Eric Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:01:08 +0000 http://gwilliam.com/nathan/?p=149#comment-161 Another trait I have been noticing lately is that of superimposing our own mores or solutions on others. As an example, after someone expresses the difficulty they are having with a certain trial the response is, "that's not too bad, I had the same thing which..." This not only lacks empathy, but it assumes that we all have the same reactions to those things we are faced with and fails to recognize that what some may regard as "easy" others regard as "difficult". Those responses invalidate the person and can cause a number of harmful effects including questioning self-worth. I've seen it often as of late and fear to count the number of times I've been guilty of such a crime. Another trait I have been noticing lately is that of superimposing our own mores or solutions on others. As an example, after someone expresses the difficulty they are having with a certain trial the response is, “that’s not too bad, I had the same thing which…” This not only lacks empathy, but it assumes that we all have the same reactions to those things we are faced with and fails to recognize that what some may regard as “easy” others regard as “difficult”. Those responses invalidate the person and can cause a number of harmful effects including questioning self-worth. I’ve seen it often as of late and fear to count the number of times I’ve been guilty of such a crime.

]]> By: Provender http://gwilliam.com/nathan/spiritual-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-160 Provender Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:33:48 +0000 http://gwilliam.com/nathan/?p=149#comment-160 "Christ-like forgiveness and love does not include enabling an abuser to continue the abusive behavior." This is a very crucial observation. Too often, in our haste to see the best in a spiritual leader, we condemn his victims. As one-by-one, families left our church, I continued to stand by the leader and condemned the "wimpy" exiles. Only after our family experienced the abuse firsthand did I see the true situation and also the harm I caused to those who suffered under the abuse. People want to be fair. They assume, in church troubles, that the problem is on both sides. They especially want to give leaders the benefit of the doubt. At times, though, leaders who are true sociopaths can be holding sway over a church and the victims, struggling to confront the abuse step-by-step via Matthew 18 are chewed up and spit out. To assume that they are part of the problem, as is easy to do without knowing the whole situation, is very damaging. “Christ-like forgiveness and love does not include enabling an abuser to continue the abusive behavior.”

This is a very crucial observation. Too often, in our haste to see the best in a spiritual leader, we condemn his victims. As one-by-one, families left our church, I continued to stand by the leader and condemned the “wimpy” exiles. Only after our family experienced the abuse firsthand did I see the true situation and also the harm I caused to those who suffered under the abuse.

People want to be fair. They assume, in church troubles, that the problem is on both sides. They especially want to give leaders the benefit of the doubt. At times, though, leaders who are true sociopaths can be holding sway over a church and the victims, struggling to confront the abuse step-by-step via Matthew 18 are chewed up and spit out. To assume that they are part of the problem, as is easy to do without knowing the whole situation, is very damaging.

]]>