Sonia and Everaldo,  dear friends in Brazil, adopted the baby boy and named him Miguel. The Brazilian adoption program closed.

A few weeks ago I visited Sonia, Everaldo and their family in Aracaju, Brazil.  I spent a delightful time with Miguel, now 14, who is pictured above with his adoptive mother.

Miguel wants to be a chef and open his own restaurant some day. I’m teaching him how to make Mexican food because there are no Mexican food restaurants in his city.

Everyone loves Miguel.  He has a huge heart.  Miguel has a great family who loves him.  Sonia told me how grateful she is that the U.S. adoption of Miguel fell apart. At the time the Brazilian adoption program fell apart it was a huge set back for me, but the next year Adoption.com was created.  Much more importantly,  Miguel was adopted by the right family, and is exactly where he’s supposed to be.  I’m so grateful that things went wrong with the Brazilian adoption program, but turned out perfectly right.

I need to remember this important lesson to help me keep perspective when other things go wrong in my life.06

“It’s possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn’t ‘behave’ spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person’s standing as a Christian [or standing in any faith]– to gratify you, your position or your beliefs while at the same time weakening or harming another – that is spiritual abuse.”

Characteristics of Spiritual Abuse

According to the “Spiritual Abuse” article from Wikipedia, Spiritual abuse can include:

• Psychological and emotional abuse
• Any act by deeds or words that demean, humiliate or shame the natural worth and dignity of a person as a human being
• Submission to spiritual authority without any right to disagree; intimidation
• Unreasonable control of a person’s basic right to make a choice on spiritual matters
• False accusation and repeated criticism by negatively labeling a person as disobedient, rebellious, lacking faith, demonized, apostate, enemy of the church or God
• Prevention from practicing faith
• Isolation or separation from family and friends due to religious affiliation
• Physical abuse that includes physical injury, deprivation of sustenance, and sexual abuse
• Exclusivity; dismissal of an outsider’s criticism and labeling an outsider as of the devil
• Withholding information and giving of information only to a selected few
• Conformity to a dangerous or unnatural religious view and practice
• Hostility that includes shunning (relational aggression, parental alienation) and persecution

Dr. Ronald Enroth, in his book “Churches that Abuse”, sets forth five characteristics of spiritual abuse:

1. Authority and Power – Spiritual abusers misuse and distort the concept of spiritual authority.
2. Manipulation and Control – Spiritual abusers often use fear, guilt and threats to achieve unquestioning obedience and loyalty.
3. Elitism and Persecution – Spiritual abusers often place themselves in a position of spiritual superiority, which they then use to justify their abusive behavior. Think of the Crusaders who used their supposed superiority as justification to abuse others, because they believed they were fighting for God.
4. Life-style and Experience – Spiritual abusers can create very rigid behaviors and beliefs and try to force others to have unquestioned conformity.
5. Dissent and Discipline – Spiritual abusers often suppress challenges and dissent. Spiritual abusers may discipline through humiliation, violence, deprivation and other forms of punishment.

Victims of spiritual abuse often do not recognize the behavior as abusive because the abusive demands can contain twisted elements of truth, and the victim desires to be obedient and righteous.

Effects of Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse can have a devastating effect on the lives of victims, beginning with diminished self esteem and self worth. Spiritual abuse is often perpetuated by a person of authority, such as a parent or religious leader, who the victim should be able to trust. So, when that higher level of trust is violated, the deeper wound can make it difficult for the person to trust legitimate spiritual authority. The victim may also find it difficult to trust God.

Enroth says that spiritual abusers generally feel that people who question spiritually abusive activities are not being submissive to authority. As a result, victims could suffer extreme character assassination intended to stop the victim’s liberation from the spiritually abusive person or situation.

In more serious cases of abuse, even more serious effects can occur.

Recovering from Spiritual Abuse

The first step to escaping spiritual abuse may be to recognize and understand what is happening. This may involve studying the topic and/or speaking to a qualified expert outside the sphere of the abuse. Many books have been written on the topic of spiritual abuse.

The second step may be to stop the cycle of abuse.  If it is safe to do so, bring the spiritual abuse to light in as loving and non-confrontational manner as possible. The victim needs to identify the abusive behavior to the abuser and establish clear boundaries for abuser if there is to be an ongoing relationship. The victim may need a network of people who can provide the strength and additional support necessary to stop and recover from the abuse. This support network may need to include assistance from a qualified expert.

If the abusive behavior does not stop, the victim may need to leave the abusive relationship. Christ-like forgiveness and love does not include enabling an abuser to continue the abusive behavior. We should love and forgive the abuser, but should not tolerate any form of abuse. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

Then, the victim will be in a safer place to learn the true attributes of God, including His love, forgiveness and grace. God is not a god of abuse, and the actions of abusers are not representative of the doctrines or love of God. The victim may need a significant amount of time to learn to trust spiritual leaders and God.

Conclusion

I am not a counselor or a spiritual abuse expert. So, please take this article as merely my unqualified opinion and not expert advice. I am far from perfect myself. This article is not intended to judge or accuse anyone specifically. It is intended to help bring to light a serious type of abuse.

If a friend or family member is healing from abuse, one of the worst things we can do is judge the victim, even if we are unsure about the validity of their allegations. Abuse is often committed in secret, without any witnesses.  So, just because we have not witnessed any abuse does not mean that the abuse did not happen.

When victims of abuse stand up to abuse, they are often not believed. Victims of spiritual abuse who try to leave the abusive relationship are sometimes attacked as being spiritually unworthy or unrighteous. Friends and family members of spiritual abuse victims and abusers may take sides and cause further harm to someone who is already wounded.

If we are a friend or family member of someone who is trying to free themselves of a spiritually abusive situation, one of the best things we can do is to simply love that person, and avoid judging or taking sides.

If you are a victim of spiritual abuse, know that God is not a god of abuse.  You are His child and He loves you.  He would never abuse you, and anyone who abuses you in the name of God will have to answer to God. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior to be worthy of that love.  He wants us to be eternally happy. If you are still a prisoner to abuse, get the help you need today so you can find the freedom and peace you deserve and that God wants for you.  As the apostle Paul said:

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” – Galations 5:1

]]> http://gwilliam.com/nathan/spiritual-abuse/feed/ 3 http://gwilliam.com/nathan/finding-peace-while-at-war/ http://gwilliam.com/nathan/finding-peace-while-at-war/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:16:54 +0000 Nathan Gwilliam http://gwilliam.com/nathan/?p=80 One of my favorite scriptures describes a holy man named Moroni who lived during the year 72 B.C.:

If all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men. (Alma 48:8-19)

For many years I have read and pondered this scripture and tried to emulate Moroni, albeit unsuccessfully. Years ago my wife even gave me a painting of Moroni with this scripture for my office because she knew how much it meant to me.

However, though the years of focusing on this scripture, I failed to connect it with the full context of the situation in which this description of Moroni is given.  Moroni was the army captain of a group of Christians named Nephites who lived in the ancient Americas shortly before Christ’s birth.  Moroni’s people were ruled democratically by elected judges, yet on multiple occasions Captain Moroni had to put down revolutions from a faction of the people who wanted to appoint a king.  The man who started this internal revolution, and who desired to be the king, was named Amalickiah.

When Amalickiah realized that he could not prevail against Moroni, he fled with a group of followers and joined the Lamanites, who were the eternal enemies of Moroni’s people.  Amalickiah poisoned the leader of the Lamanite armies so that he (Amalickiah) could become the leader of the army.  Then, he killed the Lamanite king and married that king’s wife so that he could become the king of the Lamanites.  Then, with control of the Lamanite armies Amalickaiah waged a horrific war against Moroni and his people that lasted for many years.

I have often (and correctly) associated Christianity with Christ’s teaching such as “turning the other cheek”, “not returning evil for evil” and “forgiving”. So, the dichotomy of Moroni’s description as such a strong Christian that Satan had no power over his heart, shook my understanding of Christianity.

How did Moroni find peace while at war?  The following verses help explain the answer to this paradox:

He was preparing to support their liberty, their lands, their wives and their children, and their peace, and that they might live unto the Lord their God, and that they might maintain that which was called by their enemies the cause of the Christians. And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery; Yea a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.  Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ. (Alma 48:10-14)

They were sorry to take up arms against the Lamanites, because they did not delight in the shedding of blood; yea, and this was not all–they were sorry to be the means of sending so many of their brethren out of this world into an eternal world, unprepared to meet their God. Nevertheless, they could not suffer to lay down their lives, that their wives and their children should be massacred by the barbarous cruelty of those who were once their brethren. (Alma 48:23-24)

Moroni wasn’t seeking revenge or to force his will upon anyone else.  Instead Moroni was reluctantly fighting a battle to stand up to evil, to defend his people from oppression and abuse, and to eradicate the horrible influence of the Lamanties in their lives.  He wasn’t trying to change the Lamanites, he was just trying to be free of the Lamanites, and was forced to fight to secure that freedom.  Moroni didn’t hate the Lamanites, and was genuinely concerned about the enternal welfare of their souls.

War and fighting is often at odds with the way that Jesus Christ would like us to live with our fellow man. War should be a last resort. However, sometimes as Christians we have to stand and fight evil.  When war does become necessary in our lives, though, it is important that our motives and hearts are right with God, and that we can find peace while at war.

In the July 2008 Ensign magazine, Elder Ballard published an article titled Sharing the Gospel on the Internet, which was adapted a commencement address he gave at Brigham Young University–Hawaii on December 15, 2007. I blogged about that address, but I am so excited about this Ensign article that I am including it in its entirity in this blog post:

With new technological tools, you can further the work of the Lord by joining the ongoing conversation about the Church.

I am in my 80th year. By some accounts that makes me pretty old. Actually, some folks think some of the Brethren may be too old to know what’s going on in your world. Let me assure you we are very much aware.

A Changing World

In the span of nearly 80 years, I’ve seen many changes. When I began my mission in England in 1948, the most common way for people to get news was through newspapers and radio.

How different the world is today. For many of you, if you read newspapers, the chances are you read them on the Internet. Ours is the world of cyberspace, cell phones that capture video, video and music downloads, social networks, text messaging and blogs, handhelds and podcasts.

This is the world of the future, with inventions undreamed of that will come in your lifetime as they have in mine. How will you use these marvelous inventions? More to the point, how will you use them to further the work of the Lord?

You have a great opportunity to be a powerful force for good in the Church and in the world. There is truth in the old adage that “the pen is mightier than the sword.”1In many cases it is with words that you will accomplish the great things that you set out to do. And it’s principally about ways to share those words that I want to talk to you.

From its beginnings, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has used the power of the printed word to spread the message of the restored gospel throughout the world. The Lord, over the centuries, has had a hand in inspiring people to invent tools that facilitate the spreading of the gospel. The Church has adopted and embraced those tools, including print, broadcast media, and the Internet.

There are perhaps few inventions that have had a greater impact on the world than the printing press, invented by the inspired Johannes Gutenberg around 1436. The printing press enabled knowledge, including that contained in the Holy Bible, to be shared more widely than ever before.

The Internet: A Modern Printing Press

Today we have a modern equivalent of the printing press in the Internet. The Internet allows everyone to be a publisher, to have his or her voice heard, and it is revolutionizing society. Before the Internet there were great barriers to printing. It took money, power, influence, and a great amount of time to publish. But today, because of the emergence of what some call “new media,” made possible by the Internet, many of those barriers have been removed. New media consists of tools on the Internet that make it possible for nearly anyone to publish or broadcast to either a large or a niche audience. I have mentioned some of these tools already. The emergence of new media is facilitating a worldwide conversation on almost every subject, including religion, and nearly everyone can participate. This modern equivalent of the printing press is not reserved only for the elite.

Now some of these tools—like any tool in an unpracticed or undisciplined hand—can be dangerous. The Internet can be used to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ and can just as easily be used to market the filth and sleaze of pornography. Computer applications like iTunes can be used to download uplifting and stirring music or the worst kind of antisocial lyrics full of profanity. Social networks on the Web can be used to expand healthy friendships as easily as they can be used by predators trying to trap the unwary. That is no different from how people choose to use television or movies or even a library. Satan is always quick to exploit the negative power of new inventions, to spoil and degrade, and to neutralize any effect for good. Make sure that the choices you make in the use of new media are choices that expand your mind, increase your opportunities, and feed your soul.

As you know, the new media has already profoundly impacted the old world of newspapers and other traditional media. Once upon a time, as a Church leader I might give a newspaper interview, then wait a day or two for it to appear somewhere deep inside the newspaper. Then that newspaper was thrown away, and whatever impact it might have had dissipated rather quickly.

Now, as I am leaving one appointment to go to the next, the report of my visit or interview begins almost immediately to appear on the newspaper’s Web site or on blogs, where it can be copied and distributed all over the Web. You can see how important the right words are today. Words recorded on the Internet do not disappear. Any Google or Yahoo! search is going to find one’s words, probably for a very long time.

A case in point: In 2007, NBC television came to Salt Lake for an interview with me as part of a piece they were producing on the Church. Reporter Ron Allen and I spent an hour together in the chapel in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. We discussed the Church at length. A few days later the story appeared, and in the four-minute segment that aired, there was one short quote of about six seconds from the one-hour interview. That was just enough time for me to testify of our faith in Jesus Christ as the center of all we believe. I repeat, just six seconds were used from a 60-minute interview. Those six seconds are quite typical, actually, for members of the traditional TV media, who think and air in sound bites. The big difference from the old days to today is that the reporter also ran 15 minutes of our interview on the NBC Nightly News Web site. And those 15 minutes are still there. What we say is no longer on and off the screen in a flash, but it remains as part of a permanent archive and can appear on other sites that reuse the content. People using Internet search engines to hunt for topics about the Church will come across that interview and many others.

These tools allow organizations and individuals to completely bypass the news media and publish or broadcast their messages in their entirety to the intended audiences. For instance, last year the Church Public Affairs Department conducted an interview with Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and Elder Lance B. Wickman of the Seventy regarding the Church’s position on same-gender attraction. In the old days, to communicate our message to the public on an issue like this we would have had to rely on the news media. But this probing interview was conducted by Church Public Affairs staff and posted in its entirety on the Church’s Web site, unfiltered by the news media.

Joining the Conversation

There are conversations going on about the Church constantly. Those conversations will continue whether or not we choose to participate in them. But we cannot stand on the sidelines while others, including our critics, attempt to define what the Church teaches. While some conversations have audiences in the thousands or even millions, most are much, much smaller. But all conversations have an impact on those who participate in them. Perceptions of the Church are established one conversation at a time.

The challenge is that there are too many people participating in conversations about the Church for our Church personnel to converse with and respond to individually. We cannot answer every question, satisfy every inquiry, and respond to every inaccuracy that exists. We need to remember that there is a difference between interest and mere curiosity. Sometimes people just want to know what the Church is. And some who seek answers want them to come directly from a member of the Church. They appreciate one-on-one conversation.

All of you know that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are reminded and encouraged continually to share the gospel with others. The Church is always looking for the most effective ways to declare its message. Preaching the gospel of the Restoration has always been special to me. I loved being a missionary in England. I loved being a mission president in Canada. And I love my present calling, which allows me opportunities to share the message of the Restoration of the gospel to the world and to testify that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared to the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1820. Through Joseph, the gospel that Jesus established in New Testament times was brought back. It had been lost with the deaths of the Apostles of old. I can share with the world the knowledge that priesthood authority, the doctrine, and the ordinances of the New Testament Church are once again on the earth. This is the most important work that we can participate in.

Now, may I ask that you join the conversation by participating on the Internet to share the gospel and to explain in simple and clear terms the message of the Restoration. Most of you already know that if you have access to the Internet you can start a blog in minutes and begin sharing what you know to be true. You can download videos from Church and other appropriate sites, including newsroom.lds.org, and send them to your friends. You can write to media sites on the Internet that report on the Church and voice your views as to the accuracy of the reports. This, of course, requires that you understand the basic principles of the gospel. It is essential that you are able to offer a clear and correct witness of gospel truths. It is also important that you and the people to whom you testify understand that you do not speak for the Church as a whole. You speak as one member—but you testify of the truths you have come to know.

Far too many people have a poor understanding of the Church because most of the information they hear about us is from news media reports that are often driven by controversies. Too much attention to controversy has a negative impact on peoples’ perceptions of what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really is.

Recently a columnist writing in a major U.S. newspaper was irresponsibly inaccurate in his description of the Church and our beliefs and practices. Dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of Church members and others who understand our beliefs commented on the newspaper’s Web site, correcting the misconceptions he was spreading and calling for accuracy.

Examples of What You Can Do

Let me give you a few other examples of how Church members are using the new media.

A Church member living in the Midwest of the United States makes a concerted effort to share the gospel every day, in person. He then writes a blog about his daily endeavors to share the teachings of the Book of Mormon and to give pass-along cards to all he meets. His effort to share the gospel so diligently is admirable, and his further effort to write about it no doubt inspires many others to do the same.

Others have recorded and posted their testimonies of the Restoration, the teachings of the Book of Mormon, and other gospel subjects on popular video-sharing sites. You too can tell your story to nonmembers in this way. Use stories and words that they will understand. Talk honestly and sincerely about the impact the gospel has had in your life, about how it has helped you overcome weaknesses or challenges and helped define your values. The audiences for these and other new media tools may often be small, but the cumulative effect of thousands of such stories can be great. The combined effort is certainly worth the outcome if but a few are influenced by your words of faith and love of God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

The Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ has no doubt had a powerful impact on your life. It has, in part, shaped who you are and what your future will be. Do not be afraid to share with others your experiences as a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. We all have interesting stories that have influenced our identity. Sharing those stories is a nonthreatening way to talk to others. Telling those stories can help demystify the Church. You could help overcome misperceptions through your own sphere of influence, which ought to include the Internet.

Things to Avoid

Every disciple of Christ will be most effective and do the most good by adopting a demeanor worthy of a follower of the Savior. Discussions focused on questioning, debating, and doubting gospel principles do little to build the kingdom of God. The Apostle Paul has admonished us to not be “ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation” (Romans 1:16). Let us all stand firmly and speak with faith in sharing our message with the world. Many of you are returned missionaries and can carry on a meaningful conversation in the language you learned on your mission. Your outreach can be international.

As you participate in this conversation and utilize the tools of new media, remember who you are—Latter-day Saints. Remember, as the proverb states, that “a soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). And remember that contention is of the devil (see 3 Nephi 11:29). There is no need to argue or contend with others regarding our beliefs. There is no need to become defensive or belligerent. Our position is solid; the Church is true. We simply need to have a conversation, as friends in the same room would have, always guided by the prompting of the Spirit and constantly remembering the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, which reminds us of how precious are the children of our Father in Heaven.

May the Lord bless each of you that you will have a powerful influence on those you come in contact with. As I said in the beginning, the power of words is incredible. Let your voice be heard in this great cause of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Helps for Home Evening

• 1. As a family, watch the video clip of Elder M. Russell Ballard’s call for Latter-day Saints to share the message of the Restoration with others using the Internet. See www.youtube.com/LDSPublicAffairs. Discuss ways you can share your testimony of the gospel with others using the Internet.
• 2. Fill a large bowl or bathtub with water. Drop a bar of soap into the water, noticing the ripple effect of tiny waves generated from the soap falling into the water. Compare the waves to using the Internet to promote good, clean conversations about the Church. As a family, send an e-mail to a friend, telling something you love about the gospel.

Lee’s website for this project

Download the app in the iTunes Store

I clearly understand the importance of forgiving and I want to forgive. I know that Jesus Christ expects us to forgive everyone, whether or not they have repented, and if I do not forgive others, a greater sin is upon me than whatever the other person did (D&C 54:8-9). I know I need to keep forgiving others even if they keep hurting me (Matthew 18:21). I know I will receive forgiveness only to the extent I forgive others (Matthew 6:12) and that to become worthy of the atonement of Jesus Christ and to be forgiven of my sins, I must forgive others (Matthew 18:23-35).

I know that holding on to offense and not forgiving can rob me of happiness and the light of Christ, and that the path to the greatest joy and peace in life includes frankly and immediately forgiving others. However, I don’t remember any Sunday School lessons teaching me how to forgive.

What do I do if I feel I have forgiven the offender, have prayed for God’s help in forgiving that person, yet when that person continues to commit similar offenses, the feelings of animosity return? I think those feelings are a sign I have not completely forgiven that person despite my desire and efforts to do so. I don’t want to feel those negative feelings. I want to forgive . . . but how do I forgive more deeply and permanently?

I have been struggling with this question for more than a month, and studying to understand “How do I forgive?”. My answer came through the scripture “Charity suffereth long and is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4). As someone continues do things that cause me to suffer, I need to have charity towards that person and be kind. Saying I forgive someone, and stopping to have negative feelings towards that person is not enough. I must fill the void left by the abandoned negative feelings with feelings of love, charity, kindness and compassion towards that person. When I fill that void with the pure love of Christ for that person, it becomes almost impossible for those feelings of animosity to return when the person trespasses against me again.

The love for that person make it easier to bear any additional offenses, helps us to minimize the severity of those offenses, and helps us to understand where that person is coming from so we might not even need to take offense.

It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean we must continue to allow abusive behavior. We have a right and a responsibility to protect ourselves and others within our stewardships from dangerous situations. For example, we might forgive someone who has abused one of our children, but we might wisely choose to never let that person babysit our children again.

It is also important to note that forgiveness and trust are not necessarily the same. It is required of us that we forgive everyone (D&C 64:10). However, we and those within our stewardships deserve to be treated respectfully. It is reasonable for us to respectfully set healthy boundaries for our association with those people who have not acted respectfully. For example, if a child yells at my wife and hits her, it is appropriate for me to remove my child from that situation, explain the behavior unacceptable, and let the child know that they can return to be with the family when they are ready to act respectfully. Forgiving someone does not mean allowing unacceptable behavior to continue.

As we seek to forgive it is also important that we stop talking bad about the offender, even if it is true. We also need to stop blaming the offender and take back ownership in our lives.

I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness. As I fill my heart with charity and forgiveness towards others I can receive the peace that comes from forgiving others, and qualify for forgiveness from the Savior.

What have you done to help you to forgive, and how has forgiveness blessed your life?

After discussing the problem of negative information about the Church in the media, he said:

So let me pose a question. What are you prepared to do about it? If you are a member of the Church, what is your responsibility during this period of unusual attention and debate?Interest has continued at a high level and probably will for some time. If a national conversation is going on about the Church, are you going to be an active participant or a silent observer?

Church leaders must not be reluctant to participate in public discussion. Where appropriate, we will engage with the media whether it’s the traditional, mainstream media or the new media of the Internet. But Church leaders can’t do it all, especially at the grass-roots, community level. While we do speak authoritatively for the Church, we look to our responsible and faithful members to engage personally with blogs, to write thoughtful, online letters to news organizations, and to act in other ways to correct the record with their own opinions.

He later continued:

I emphasize that it is not always about correcting misinformation. Sometimes it is about getting solid information and ideas out there in the first place. Share your experiences – those from your own life – that show how your values and your faith intersect. It doesn’t matter whether that’s face to face with another person, or whether you do it by participating from your own blog or contributing to someone else’s blog. The most important thing is that you let people know that you are a Latter-day Saint, and that your behavior and attitude always reflect the high standards of the Church and what is expected as a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, you will be speaking as an individual member and not as an official representative of the Church.

Clearly, in this context I am not talking about declaring your testimony of faith in the traditional sense. Naturally, you can and should do that where the setting is appropriate and the audience is receptive, such as a church meeting. Rather, I am talking about taking part in everyday conversations in an unforced way, where your values and your religious beliefs will arise naturally. No one likes to have religion thrust down their throats. Instead, allow people to see how your beliefs lift and shape your life for the better. How does the gospel help you as a parent engage with your teens? How do your values encourage you to participate in civic affairs? How has your experience as a home or visiting teacher enlarged your compassion or care for the sick and needy? How has your Church life helped you to avoid such things as pornography and immorality? How have family councils or home evenings helped you resolve differences of opinion with members of your family? How has your experience in speaking in church helped you address large public groups? Where did you learn to respect and not to criticize other faiths? And so on.

Read the press release and the full transcript of his remarks.

Variety

Did you know there are more than 100 wild species of roses and thousands of rose hybrids developed for gardening based on bloom shape, size, fragrance and even lack of thorns? Sometimes people feel that they “don’t fit in” at school, work or church because they aren’t like the popular people, or they waste time trying to be like everyone else. Think of how boring it would be if every rose in a garden was identical. Even the most beautiful rose, if it was identical to every other rose, would be boring and redundant. I prefer the beauty of a rose garden that has roses of many different colors, shapes and sizes. I celebrate that God made us unique and not exactly the same as everyone else.

Thorns

Not long ago I was planting roses with my oldest daughter, when she asked, “Daddy, why do we plant roses if they have thorns?” That profound comment caused me to think. Every rose has its thorns; just like each of us have our mistakes or imperfections. Each time we give someone a rose, it is a combination of a beautiful blossom, and a stem with thorns. The same is true of our relationships. I’ve heard it said that every marriage has 10 irreconcilable differences. Sometimes people get divorced because of these differences, and enter another marriage with a different set of 10 irreconcilable differences. Nobody is going to be perfect. In the same way we can overlook the thorns on a beautiful rose, we need to become better at focusing on the beauty in each person and be better at overlooking their imperfections.

Outward Appearance

Twentieth-century rose breeders generally emphasized size and color, producing large, attractive blooms with little or no scent. Many wild and “old-fashioned” roses, by contrast, have a strong, sweet scent. When I have to choose, do I choose to focus on the outward appearance so that I can look good to the world, or do I prioritize the inward things that cannot be seen but truly matter?

Law of the Harvest

If I plant a cactus, I’m not going to get a rose. If I want roses to grow in my garden, I need to plant roses. The same is true in my life. If I want good things to happen, I need to plant the seeds of goodness .

Matthew 7:16 – “Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?”

Soil

Nitrogen is an essential part of amino acids and nucleic acids, both of which are essential to all life. Without nitrogen, roses languish and die. Nitrogen is the largest single component of the Earth’s atmosphere (78.082% by volume of dry air). Literally tons of nitrogen are directly above a single rose bush struggling for this basic nutrient to survive, but roses do not have the ability to capture nitrogen from the atmosphere. This is a poignant example of “so close but so far.” How often in life are we so close yet so far from the spirituality which we really need to thrive and grow? Do we focus on the things of the world and make ourselves unable to receive spiritual nourishment?

Roots

My neighbors have a rose bush that is very wide and more than 6 feet tall. The newest rose bushes I just planted are less than a foot tall with just a few stems. The biggest difference is the root structure. My neighbor’s roses has had years to build a large, stable root structure, so that even if it is cut back, it can still quickly grow a large and beautiful rose bush. Just like rose bushes, spiritual roots don’t grow overnight. Spiritual roots come from years of faithful church attendance and participation, striving to keep the commandments, daily scripture reading, fasting and prayer, and lifelong service.

Photosynthesis

Each rose is a compact chemical-processing factory. Using sunlight, the green leaves take carbon dioxide from the air and replace it with oxygen, which we breathe. When other chemicals within the plant react with sunlight, it produces starch that becomes the plant biomass (roots, stems, leaves, and rose blossoms). This process is called photosynthesis, and without it the earth’s atmosphere would soon be devoid of oxygen, and most living things would disappear from the earth.

Rose rust is one of the most serious diseases to which roses are susceptible. Rust fungus that can defoliate the rose and make it unable to receive light. Rose rust can occur in many different ways in our lives, making us unable to receive light, such as pornography, and inappropriate music, television, and movies.

Climate

Roses thrive in temperate climates. One year I bought some roses from Sam’s Club, but waited nearly 2 weeks to plant them. Because they sat for weeks in an Arizona summer before being planted, nearly all of those roses died.

When Gordon B. Hinckley was young, he and his wife danced to a song with the following words:

Is love like a rose
That blossoms and grows,
Then withers and goes
When summer is gone?

This same question has been asked for centuries by men and women who love each other and want to know if that love can continue after this life. President Hinckley responded to that question:

“We…reaffirm that love and marriage under the revealed plan of the Lord are not like the rose that withers with the passing of summer. Rather, they are eternal, as surely as the God of heaven is eternal. But this gift, precious beyond all others, comes only with a price—with self-discipline, with virtue, with obedience to the commandments of God. These may be difficult, but they are possible under the motivation that comes of an understanding of truth.”

Law of Abundance

In Christ’s first recorded miracle where he turned water into wine at the request of his mother, Christ made sufficiently more wine than was necessary. In the miracle of the loaves and fishes, more loaves and fish remained after all were fed than when he began. Why did the Lord make more wine, bread and fish that were necessary in these miracles? Did he miscalculate? Or, was the abundance part of the lesson he taught through the miracle?

Modern rose hybrids have a complex genetic background that almost always includes China roses. China roses were evergrowing, everblooming roses from humid subtropical regions that bloomed constantly during the growing season. Modern hybrids bloom continuously (until stopped by frost) on any new canes produced during the growing season. They therefore require pruning away of any spent flowering stem, in order to divert the plant’s energy into producing new growth and thence new flowers.

“Deadheading” is the simple practice of manually removing any spent, faded, withered or discolored flowers from rose shrubs over the course of the blooming season. This is done to promote rebloom, to keep shrubs looking tidy, and to eliminate stem dieback.

What would be examples of “spiritual deadheading” in our lives? As we give of ourselves through love and service, it doesn’t take anything away from us, but instead more love and goodness are abundantly replenished in our lives.

Ivy

In our first home we had 26 rose bushes. A very healthy and aggressive ivy vine grew near a few of these rose bushes. This vine grew up the rose bushes and grew leaves outside the leaves of the rose bushes, in competition for the light. I noticed when started growing on the first rose bush and I didn’t do anything about it.

More than a month later the ivy had begun to suffocate the rose bush. I then had a substantial project to remove the ivy which was then completely intertwined with the rose bush. This would have been a simple project if I would have done it when the ivy had first started to grow on the rose bush.

This ivy is like the entangling of sin. If we deal with sin immediately it is much easier and less painful to resolve. However, the longer we allow sin to grow and entangle itself in our lives without removing it, the harder and more painful it becomes, and the longer we allow it to block light from entering our lives.

Pruning

Roses need to regularly be pruned for a variety of reasons. This week we had to cut back three very healthy stems on our rose bushes which were growing well, but were growing in the wrong directions. Roses usually require a “hard” annual pruning to reach their full potential. This pruning requires cutting the stems back to 8″–12″ in height in early spring. Also, any weak, damaged or diseased growth should be pruned away completely, regardless of the time of year.

The Master Gardener in our lives regularly prunes us back and shapes us through trials, challenges and adversity. He knows this is the only way that we can achieve our full spiritual potential.

Positive or Negative

Did you know that you can change the PH of the soil and alter the colors of the rose blossoms? This can be done by increasing the PH with an “acid” such as lemon juice, or decreasing the PH with a “base” like milk.

A positive or negative outlook on life can drastically affect the nature of the blossoms in our lives.

Potential / Self Realization

Inside each rose is a giant storehouse of genetic coding that develops a seed or a slip into roots, stems, thorns, leaves, colors, and blooms. Each of us has a spiritual genetic blueprint of talent and potential with which God has endowed us. We are seeds with beautiful potential.

Conclusion

I am grateful for those who have been patient with me despite my thorns, and accepted me even though I am not the typical variety of rose. I’m grateful for good friends and family who have been there us during our regular prunings and planted an abundance of kindness in our lives.

(Sources: Portions of this article came from the Wikipedia rose article and talks from LDS.org.)

Elder Ballard said: “Every month there are 60 billion searches for information on the Internet. Many are seeking information about the Church; and while some are finding the truth, others find anti-Mormon sites that mislead them and defame the Church.”

Elder Ballard urged the graduates to use their knowledge and testimony of the gospel to influence seekers of truth. “Today I want to encourage you to reach out to others in the world to help change the perception and even the hearts of millions of our Heavenly Father’s children by correcting misunderstandings by sharing with them the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Ballard suggested the graduates join in conversations on the Internet to share the gospel and explain the message of the Restoration in simple, clear terms. As they participate in these new media, Elder Ballard continued, the graduates should remember first and foremost that they are followers of the Savior Jesus Christ.

Read the BYU-I press release.

Click here for ways to share the gospel online.