Sonia and Everaldo,  dear friends in Brazil, adopted the baby boy and named him Miguel. The Brazilian adoption program closed.

A few weeks ago I visited Sonia, Everaldo and their family in Aracaju, Brazil.  I spent a delightful time with Miguel, now 14, who is pictured above with his adoptive mother.

Miguel wants to be a chef and open his own restaurant some day. I’m teaching him how to make Mexican food because there are no Mexican food restaurants in his city.

Everyone loves Miguel.  He has a huge heart.  Miguel has a great family who loves him.  Sonia told me how grateful she is that the U.S. adoption of Miguel fell apart. At the time the Brazilian adoption program fell apart it was a huge set back for me, but the next year Adoption.com was created.  Much more importantly,  Miguel was adopted by the right family, and is exactly where he’s supposed to be.  I’m so grateful that things went wrong with the Brazilian adoption program, but turned out perfectly right.

I need to remember this important lesson to help me keep perspective when other things go wrong in my life.06

Made to Stick talks about a research study that compared the effectiveness of donation requests using different approaches.  One donation request provided statistics about the masses of people in one region of Africa facing hunger and poverty.  The second letter simply told the story of one needy girl from that region and said that all money donated would go to her.   Obviously, the second letter was tremendously more successful.  

People are much more willing to help if they know of a specific need, instead of just helping a cause.  In other words, when people learn of a huge problem they often feel that “someone should do something”, but they feel the problem is too large for them to solve themselves, so they do nothing.  It’s kind of like a room that is so messy you don’t know where to start, so you go do something else.  However, when we connect with a specific person with a specific need, we are much more likely to sacrifice and help, because we know we can do something to make a huge difference to that person with whom we are connected.  The specific connection makes the service much more real and meaningful. 

The Adoption.com Photolisting is an example of this principle that I have observed first hand.   When prospective adoptive parents are able to see pictures and read bios of orphans they often connect with and then adopt a specific child.  Many parents choose to adopt internationally after connecting with a specific child, who otherwise would not have adopted. Many parents who thought they only wanted to adopt a healthy Caucasian infant in the U.S. end up adopting an older, special needs child from a foreign country because of the connection which they formed with that child by using the photolisting.

If I came to your church congregation and spoke about the many foster children in your state who need to be adopted, I might have a few families come talk to me after the service.  However, if I brought 12 of those foster children with me and explained that I needed emergency foster homes for those children that night, ALL of the children would be taken in (if the families were qualified), and most of those children (if not all) would be permanently adopted by families in that congregation.

Think about it.  How many of us would, without a second thought, take in a starving orphan who showed up on our doorstep needing a place to stay?  I believe there is enough food, money, compassion, time, and great people in this world to solve huge social crises such as the world orphan crisis, hunger, needless death to curable diseases, and poverty.  The problem is not a lack of resources, but instead is effectively connecting those resources with great people who would be willing to help.  

So, then the question is how we can create those connections on a scale large enough to solve the otherwise insurmountable social problems in our world.  Kiva has showed us one of the large pieces of this solution by helping to everyday people, like my family, connect with and lend to entrepreneurs in third-world countries.  On-the-ground organizations help qualify and administer the loans.  And, their repayment rate would put to shame EVERY major bank in the United States.  My family tried to make a loan around Christmas time through Kiva, and the system was a little too effective.  There were more than thousands of people making loans and only four entrepreneurs seeking loans.  By the time we read through a newly posted loan and tried to participate in the loan, the full loan had already been fully funded.  There were more people at that time trying to loan than people listed seeking loans.  I just looked at Kiva as I wrote this blog entry, and it looks like there are now 208 active entrepreneurs listed seeking loans.  However, just in the last week more than 2,000 loans have been made by people like you and I, totaling more than $750,000.  This is another example that there is an abundance of great people, food, money, compassion and time to solve the world’s greatest social problems.  We just have to figure out how to create the specific connections.  

I want to build my future career greatly around this concept of creating connections to solve world social crises.  How can we more effectively build connections between great people in need and the great people who would love to help if they were just connected with specific situations? 

The U.S. implementation of this Convention has been the catalyst for many changes in the international adoption process. Some of the most notable changes are the following:

• Adoption Service Provider Accreditation & Approval - Adoption service providers are now under the oversight of the Department of State, for the first time in U.S. history.  As such, they are accountable to the designated accrediting agencies, such as the Council on Accreditation (COA).   Adoption Service Providers must now meet requirements such as ethics, fee disclosure, records retention, training for families, and qualifications for agency staff.

• Forms & Processes - The old I-600 forms have been replaced with I-800 forms.  These forms introduce new requirements intended to ensure families are qualified to adopt, and help to better protect children.  For example, special training may be required for a child with special needs, and all families must have at 10+ hours of training.

• New Criteria of Being Adoptable – Children adopted through the Convention must now meet a new set of criteria as to whether or not they are adoptable.  For example, two birthparents can now relinquish a child for adoption if they are unable to provide proper care for their child. Consular officials must determine whether each specific child meets the criteria of being adoptable before custody is granted or the adoption is finalized in the child’s country.

• Tracking Adoptions – A new Adoption Tracking Service has been implemented to allow the Department of State to track all international adoptions.

• Tracking Complaints – A Hague Complaint Registry has been implemented to provide a system to help monitor and resolve complaints against adoption service providers.  The information in this registry will be used as the adoption service providers are reviewed for accreditation.

The Hague Convention on International Adoption is not perfect. Adoption agencies have complained about various elements, such as the insurance requirements, the increased levels of bureaucracy, and the resulting increased cost to do an international adoption.  Some of the smaller adoption agencies have simply been unable to survive with these additional requirements, and have closed their programs.  That portion is concerning to us, as we have seen a drop in the number of agencies doing international adoption, and the number of adoptions being completed.

However, on the other hand, over the years we have observed a destructive spiral that has happened in countries that do not have very strong adoption procedures and protections.  These countries open international adoption programs, the number of adoptions grows quickly, then a few unethical individuals ruin it for everyone else, and the countries’ international adoption programs are closed down, or implement unnecessary restrictions that substantially decrease the number of adoptions.  I know this is a gross over-simplification of much more complex issues.  However, several countries, which historically had effective international adoption programs are still closed today (or have dramatically reduced the number of international adoptions they allow) because of these core issues.

Whether we like it or not, this is the system is in place and it’s not going anywhere any time soon.  Over time, I believe the number of international adoptions will increase and exceed what they were prior to the issues that have been faced in international adoption recently.  I believe the Convention will reduce the risk of child abduction, sale, exploitation and trafficking. Most importantly, I believe that these systems will provide more protection for children, ensure parents are better qualified and prepared, help adoption agencies provide a higher level of service, decrease the risk to adoptive families, and reduce the risk that countries will close their international adoption programs because of system abuses.  Without diminishing the pain of the current problems, I believe that the Hague International Adoption Convention will be in the long-term best interest of children.

Learn more about the Hague International Adoption Convention.

When Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Swenson taught this principle, they gave the example of an advertising campaign which was run by the American Plastics Council. From 1987 to 1992 the percentage of the American public feeling the risks of plastic outweighed its benefits increased from 32% to 64%. Negative media coverage of the plastic industry was as frequent as positive media coverage. More and more legislation was being introduced to ban plastic packaging and large manufacturers were beginning to de-select plastic. This ad campaign was being run to help change public perceptions to be more favorable concerning the use of plastics.

So, the American Plastics Council (APC) ran ads which illustrated some of the benefits of plastics, such as credit cards and garbage cans. The majority of respondents to these ads had a favorable impression of the advertisements, but the level of guilt associated with buying products made of or packaged with plastic did not change. Consequently, the expensive ad campaign was deemed a failure.

At that time, Bob Nightengale from the APC said, “I think we need to be concerned with the performance of the communications program. Even though it is still early, we just are not seeing the type of improvement we had hoped for. I am worried that we are not “moving the needle.”

The APC learned the concept of “selling to the swing group through the eyes of the love group.” The potential users of plastics can be divided into those who are passionate about plastics (love group), those who are indifferent (swing group), and those who advocate against the use of plastics (hate group). It is often very difficult to convince the hate group to change their position and the love group already uses your product or service, so the group to whom advertising would probably be most effective is the swing group.

With this new insight, the APC ran a second set of advertisements telling stories of people in the plastics love group. For example, one television advertisement featured a father telling the story of his child who was born premature and was kept alive by a plastic incubator. He was definitely in the love group for plastic, and his ad along with the others in this new style, were emotionally compelling to the swing group. As a result, from the 1st quarter of 1993 to the 1st quarter 1994, plastics usage increased 17% in the retail and clothing industry, 35% in industrial manufacturing, 65% in the food industry, and 30% in the healthcare industry. The amount of legislation introduced to adversely affect the plastics industry was cut in half since 1991 and positive media coverage of the plastics industry was five times greater than the negative coverage by the 1st quarter of 1996.

The LDS Church, with the help of the BYU Ad Lab, recently developed a new advertising campaign with this type of “love group” focus. They identified people who had converted to Mormonism and asked them to share their conversion stories. That was the “love” group. Then, snippets of those conversion stories were run on many different advertising channels, such as radio, television, billboard, magazine, and on the Internet at Mormon.org in an attempt to reach the “swing” group.

I would definitely not say I am an advocate of many forms of plastics. However, what I take away from this powerful lesson is that when I am developing an advertising campaign, I should locate the people who love my product or service and try to distill the core reasons why they love my product or service. Historically, I have focused on a “facts and benefits” style of marketing. Now that I understand this concept, I am eager to re-develop several websites, such as Adoption.com, to better sell to the swing group through the eyes of the love group.

During the early days of Adoption.com when money was very tight we were very creative in our methods of generating income to fund the core business we were building. We “boot strapped” our financing at one point by registering domain names for which we had no ability to pay, and then we worked to sell them before Network Solutions dropped them for non-payment.

Even though domainers have been actively buying or selling domain names for more than a decade, this is still a relatively new industry and business practice in terms of IRS standards. As such, very few specific rules have been established by the IRS regarding domain name taxation issues such as appropriate recovery periods for depreciation, and donations of domain names to charity.

Through the years I have been unable to find an accountant with a strong knowledge of domain name issues, and as such we have traditionally treated domain names like trademarks, for tax purposes. However, domain names are not trademarks, and their business purpose is much more like a business asset than a trademark.

This week I was referred by Andrew Allemann of Domain Name Wire to Susan Brooks, an accountant who specializes in domain name taxation issues. Susan used to work at Ernst & Young, one of the Big 4 international CPA firms. Since then, Ms. Brooks has worked as the Chief Financial Officer and a Board Member of several corporations in the Internet and service industries. She has run her own tax practice for nine years and has been in the domaining business since 1998. Susan has a website at DomainTaxGuide.com where she sells an 85-page book she wrote about domain name tax issues.

This week I purchased and read her guide and was very happy to find an accountant who has thoroughly researched and thought through the unique issues faced by domainers. I was even happier to find answers to questions which we have been asking for almost a decade.

According to Newsweek, the Disney brand is the 9^th most valuable brand in America, with a value exceeding $29 billion. The Walt Disney Company owns thousands of brands such as: ESPN, ABC, Mickey Mouse, Disney Princesses, The Muppets, Pixar, The Disney Channel, Touchstone, Miramax, Winnie the Pooh, Disney Cruise Line, Pirates of the Caribbean, Mary Poppins, Family.com, Movies.com, Club Penguin, The Lion King, Toy Story, Cars, Peter Pan, High School Musical, and Hanna Montana. Walt Disney has brought happiness to hundreds of millions of people.

With that said, Walt Disney was a failure. I say that with all due respect to the father of family entertainment, one of history’s greatest innovators, and one of my heroes. My point is that when we think of Walt Disney we think of his amazing successes. However, most of us have never even heard of his failures, which tremendously contributed to his phenomenal success.

Here are a few of his failures or challenges which I discovered recently from reading Inside the Dream: The Personal Story of Walt Disney.

• Walt was laid off from his first job as an animator after only one month.

• One of Walt’s first business ventures, Laugh-O-grams, was a financial disaster. Walt couldn’t pay his rent, and wound up living in his Laugh-O-grams office. He ate on credit at a little coffee shop. “I was all alone” Walt later said. “It was lonesome. When my credit ran out I was tempted to go into a restaurant and eat, and then tell them I couldn’t pay. But I didn’t have the nerve. I was so [bleep] hungry.” Laugh-O-grams filed bankruptcy.

• When Walt moved to California he wanted to be a “movie director”. He tried to get any job he could with the studios to get his foot in the door. Walt said, “I went from one studio to another and I went to the personnel departments and it was pretty cold.”

• Mickey Mouse was not Walt’s first cartoon character. Walt Disney’s company designed a character named Oswald the Lucky Rabbit and partnered with Charlie Mintz as the distributor. Charlie went behind Walt’s back and signed most of the top Disney artists to come work for him and took control of the Oswald character and brand. Charlie wasn’t the first to underestimate Walt Disney and he certainly wouldn’t be the last.

• Walt Disney later used another distributor named Pat Powers. Pat began withholding payments and stopped giving Walt any reports. It ended up that Powers, like Charlie Mintz, wanted to take over Walt’s operation, guaranteeing Walt a hearty salary to come work for him. As leverage, Powers hired away Walt’s best animator.

• Walt and his wife struggled with infertility.

• After the movie Snow White had been a success, the next three Disney films were not immediate financial successes. Even before the United States entered the Second World War, the studio’s revenues declined 40% with the loss of the overseas market.

• The Second World War essentially shut down the Disney Animation Studios, except for government projects. In addition to drafting many company employees, the war caught the studios in a financially vulnerable period of growth. In 1941, his employees formed a picket line to strike. This perceived betrayal from his staff was cataclysmic for Walt.

Walt obviously rebounded from each of these challenges or failures. After the Oswald character was seized by his distributor, he created Mickey Mouse, and protected his creative work much better in the future. After struggling with infertility, Walt and his wife were able to adopt. It was on outings with his girls that Walt’s ideas for Disneyland began to develop. After being unable to get any job in a movie studio, Walt eventually became a very successful movie director. After lean years from the war, Walt Disney Studios eventually rebounded began creating even better movies than they had previously.

How often in our lives do we compare our weaknesses, challenges and failures to the successes and strengths of others? How often do we not remember that the people in our idealistic comparisons have weaknesses, challenges and failures of their own? I am guilty of doing this regularly.

After the Laugh-O-grams bankruptcy Walt said, “And I came to Hollywood. I was just free and happy. I was 21 years old. But I’d failed. I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young.”

Roy Disney, Walt’s brother said the following of Walt’s early business skills, “If Walt had gone on like that he never would have gone anyplace.”

We all have to have weaknesses, challenges and failures or we cannot grow. A tree planted in the middle of a clearing grows fat, while the tree planted in a forest grows tall because it has to fight for the sun light. Challenges help us to also grow taller and closer to Heaven. If Walt had not had challenges, he might have retired as an animator in Kansas City. His weaknesses became important catalysts and growing experience to help him achieve the great things he did.

Ether 12:27 teaches, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Weaknesses, trials and challenges are part of our mortal existence on this earth, and they are some of the primary ways that God uses to shape us into what he needs us to be. Through these difficult circumstances we can humble ourselves, and receive the divine assistance we need to make those weak things strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 teaches, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

In this scripture, the Apostle Paul teaches that the Lord’s strength is made perfect in weakness. I believe that this means our weaknesses help us realize how much we need God, and encourage us to turn to Him to receive strength from Him. Paul even rejoices in the weakness, because he knows that this weakness is what makes him strong. God gives us weaknesses so that we can triumph over them, and He wants us to be able to recognize His hand in that victory when it comes.

Walt Disney was a failure at first, but he used those challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Those failures were some of the most important reasons why he was such a phenomenal success.

Find Inside the Dream: The Personal Story of Walt Disney at Amazon.com.

(Source: Inside the Dream)

]]> http://gwilliam.com/nathan/walt-disney-was-a-failure-which-helped-him-succeed/feed/ 0 http://gwilliam.com/nathan/what-is-social-enterprise/ http://gwilliam.com/nathan/what-is-social-enterprise/#comments Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:48:52 +0000 Nathan Gwilliam http://gwilliam.com/nathan/2007/06/20/what-is-social-enterprise/ One of the focuses of this blog is “social enterprise”. My good friend, Ward Andrews, recently asked me to define this term and mission of my blog. A social enterprise is a business (for-profit or non-profit) which has a socially driven mission. For example, Adoption.com, is a website which operates a photolisting of children waiting to be adopted, a registry of adoptees and birthparents hoping to be reunited, and a large online adoption support group, among a variety of other services. Adoption.com is focused on making a difference socially, and generates revenues so that it has the resources to achieve its’ mission. (Disclaimer: Adoption.com is operated by Adoption Media, LLC, where I serve as CEO.)

Social enterprises are generally responsible to produce targets financially, socially, and often environmentally. Often, a portion of the profits from the social enterprise are used to support charity aims. For example, with Adoption.com, the foster child photolisting, reunion registry and online support group are almost completely free community services. We generate revenue primarily through advertising sponsorships, which then allows these services to be offered for free to help children and families. Since Adoption.com is a for-profit website, it is actually categorized as “social entrepreneurship”, which is a subset of social enterprise.

The Social Enterprise Alliance defines social enterprise as: “An organization or venture that advances its social mission through entrepreneurial earned income strategies.”

Sometimes people criticize social enterprises, such as Adoption.com, saying that they profit off of a charitable cause. The other side to that argument, however, is that social enterprises find a way to generate revenue so they are able to make a difference socially that would probably not be able to happen otherwise. For example, we have always felt it is better to put adoption agency advertising sponsorships on adoption photolistings so that state agencies and adoptive parents can use these services free of charge, and we can help as many children as possible find families.

The REDF Foundation pioneered Social Return on Investment Analysis through its’ funding of social enterprises. Working Assets created a social enterprise model that generates donations to organizations when customers use services such as long distance and credit cards. Through this program, Working Assets has raised more than $50 million for non-profit organizations such as Amnesty International and Doctors Without Borders.

The Social Enterprise Reporter publishes social enterprise news. The Business as Mission Network provides news, resources and tools to turn a business into a great ministry.

Several MBA programs have added social enterprise programs, such as the Harvard Business School Social Enterprise Initiative . Some day I would like to develop a Social Enterprise program at the BYU Marriott School, and help train the next generation of social entrepreneurs and non-profit leaders.

Richard Miller recently sent me a link to an interview about social enterprise with Pierre Omidyar, the founder of eBay. Click here for the interview. Pierre says eBay was a social success because it increased trust globally. Pierre feels that any non-profit organization with the same funding would not have been able to affect as much good (worldwide increase in “trust”) as the peer-to-peer eBay model. He is now interested in investing in for-profit companies that “only do social good if they are successful and are only successful if they do social good.”

It is a tremendously rewarding blessing to be able to work in the social enterprise field, and be able to make a difference and a living at the same time.

With the sale of Families.com earlier this year, and with Dave Larson joining the Adoption Media team as Chief Operations Officer, I was in a position for the first time in 10 years that I could go back to school and finish my degree.

I had 23 credits left to finish. So, in May I moved up to Utah and have been attending the first of two summer semesters at BYU. In about 10 days, I will only have 15 credits left. Then, I will take another 9 credits in the second summer semester.

It has been very hard to live away from my wife and daughters and I miss them more than you imagine. I am awed by the sacrifice my wife is making for me to be able to do this, and am incredibly grateful for how supportive she has been throughout our marriage.

The question I have been asked most frequently is “Why?” Why would I go back to school after 10 years? The most common answer that I give is that I am ready to take my career and my companies to the next level. I believe that corporate culture is a reflection of top management. When organizations have consistently poor customer service or salesmen regularly lie to their customers, these organizations often have top management who lack ethical leadership, and that void in character trickles its’ way down throughout the company. I believe that if I can elevate my performance, I can raise the performance throughout my companies and the new companies I hope to create.

Recently a reporter from the Provo Daily Herald wrote a story about the value of a college education. This reporter interviewed Steve Gibson, one of the professors in the BYU business school. I am volunteering this summer as an “Entrepreneur in Residence” for Steve’s “Entrepreneurship Skills for Non-Business Majors” course. I have been thoroughly enjoying mentoring student groups as they have gone through the process of creating and running their own companies. So, Steve referred the reporter to me. I will include the story she published below to help answer this question about the value of a college education:

What a college education is really worth
BRITTANI LUSK – Daily Herald
Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Just 23 credits short of a bachelor’s degree, CEO Nathan Gwilliam left BYU because his Internet company was growing so fast he didn’t have time to do both. Gwilliam wrote a business plan for a company called Adoption.com while at BYU. That was 10 years ago. Now the business, called Adoption Media, is the largest adoption organization in the world.College is expensive, and if Gwilliam didn’t need it to start his company, is a bachelor’s degree even worth the cost?The answer, experts say, is yes — and even Gwilliam would agree.

A college education in Utah County can cost more than $3,000 a year — $4,500 or so after books and fees.

Students often pay for those costs for a long time. The average college student in 2000 graduated with $16,928 in student loan debt, according to the U.S. Public Research Interest Group.

Even with all that, education still pays, said John Mathews, an economist for the Utah Department of Workforce Services.

” ‘The more you learn, the more you earn’ is still very true,” Mathews said.

On average, college graduates make almost double the income of those who only have a high school diploma. The average high school graduate made $21,079 in 2006, according to census figures, while those with bachelor’s degrees averaged $40,166.

Certain professions are harder to get into for those without higher education. For example, the Census Bureau reported in 2006 that 46 percent of adults with managerial jobs had bachelor’s degrees and 71 percent of those in professional occupations had at least a bachelor’s degree. Only 8 percent of those in craft, service, farm or production occupations had that much education.

Those salaries can become a reality for today’s graduates because jobs are plentiful.

Mathews said graduates are entering a good job market.

“Utah’s labor market is on fire,” he said.

The unemployment rate in Utah is about 2 percent. The national rate is around 4 percent. Rates that low are good for those seeking jobs because employers are competing for graduates, Mathews said. Education is an added bonus.

Graduating Utah Valley State College students filled out a survey when they left. Of the 35 percent filling out the survey last year, 69 percent reported that they were employed.

UVSC spokeswoman Megan Laurie said those numbers don’t include students who became employed shortly after graduation or were sending out resumés when the survey was taken.

Education is worth more than just a fatter paycheck. The Utah System of Higher Education reported that education leads to a better quality of life.

USHE spokeswoman Amanda Covington said that higher levels of education correspond with more civic involvement, more volunteering and more voter participation.

College graduates are more than twice as likely to have health insurance and pension benefits, according to the College Board’s Education Pays 2005 report. The College Board also reported that unemployment rates are lower for those with more education.

There’s more to earning money than simply getting an education, however.

Jay Irvine, placement coordinator for BYU’s Marriott School of Management, said there are many skills that lead to success, including education.

“A good college education is going to prepare you as well as anything,” he said.

After that he listed common sense, resourcefulness, luck, hard work, creativity and management skills.

Stephen Gibson, faculty member of the Marriot School of Management, listed what he described as a “locus of control” — that is, good entrepreneurs believe they are in charge.

“They believe that they control their own destiny,” Gibson said.

Successful people also delay gratification, Gibson said. When the business does well, they put the money back into the business rather than spending it. They also have good people skills and embrace change.

Gwilliam, the CEO who left BYU, said there were many things he never learned at school, including being able to learn from his failures.

“The people who are most successful aren’t people who haven’t failed,” Gwilliam said. “They can learn from their mistakes.”

Gwilliam owns several companies. In 1999, after he had taken his company Today.com public, he lost it. He was 24 years old at the time.

“I lost over $11 million in one day,” he said. “That was a really bad day.”

But he’s also had successes and says still needs an education to build his credibility and make an impact. He is back in Provo for the summer to finish his bachelor’s degree in general studies with an emphasis in business management. After he graduates, he plans to apply to the Harvard Business School.

“I want to do something on a much higher level. To do that, I need to get my MBA,” Gwilliam said.

Brittani Lusk can be reached at 344-2549 or at blusk@heraldextra.com.

This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page A1.

At that time Nacy Pelosi was making headlines for her diplomatic visit to Syria against the wishes of President Bush. White House spokeswoman Dana Perino had said about Syria, that “This is a county that is a state sponsor of terror, one that is trying to disrupt the Senora government in Lebanon and one that is allowing foreign fighters to flow into Iraq from its borders. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad “probably really wants people to come, and have a photo opportunity, and have tea with him, and have discussions about where they’re coming from. But we just think it’s a really bad idea.”

So, very early in my conversation with my new colleague I brought up this situation, and I explained that I disagree with the position of President Bush. I believe in the old maxim that we should keep our friends close and our enemies closer. I explained that if President Bush does not agree with Syria, that eliminating communication isn’t going to solve the problem. If we want to influence foreign governments, we have to start by building friendships. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and President Bush should be vacationing together. They should try to find the elements where they do agree, such as humanitarian aid projects, and focus on how they can work together on those projects. Then, after a friendship has been built, there will be a much greater opportunity for those organizations to work together to solve more complicated issues. When we focus on differences walls are built, and the opportunity to positively influence is greatly diminished.

I know that it is not the role of a congresswoman to be an ambassador for the United States to foreign countries. That aside, instead of criticizing Nanci Pelosi, the Bush administration should have been focusing on improving their relationship with Syria. I was very encouraged to see last month that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice met with her Syrian counterpart in the first high-level diplomatic contact between Washington and Damascus in more than two years.

No two governments and no two people are going to agree on all of the issues all of the time. The Bush administration regularly disagrees with each of its’ major allies about a variety of issues. If both of us think and act exactly the same, one of us is redundant. So, the difference between whether a country is an ally or an enemy is not whether we agree with them or not. Instead, it is whether or not we are willing to focus on the issues where we agree and work together on those issues.

I explained to my dinner guest that night, that this same concept is true in the adoption community and in other relationships in our life. None of the adoption organizations and no two people are going to agree with each other on all issues all of the time. Instead of focusing on the very small percentage of issues where we disagree, we need to focus on working together on the 95% of the issues where we do agree. Then, once we have a friendship, there is a much greater likelihood that we will be able to work together to resolve the issues where we disagree. Or, if not, the worst-case scenario is that we will be able to synergistically work together to make a difference on the 95% of the issues where we agree.