“It’s possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn’t ‘behave’ spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person’s standing as a Christian [or standing in any faith]– to gratify you, your position or your beliefs while at the same time weakening or harming another – that is spiritual abuse.”

Characteristics of Spiritual Abuse

According to the “Spiritual Abuse” article from Wikipedia, Spiritual abuse can include:

• Psychological and emotional abuse
• Any act by deeds or words that demean, humiliate or shame the natural worth and dignity of a person as a human being
• Submission to spiritual authority without any right to disagree; intimidation
• Unreasonable control of a person’s basic right to make a choice on spiritual matters
• False accusation and repeated criticism by negatively labeling a person as disobedient, rebellious, lacking faith, demonized, apostate, enemy of the church or God
• Prevention from practicing faith
• Isolation or separation from family and friends due to religious affiliation
• Physical abuse that includes physical injury, deprivation of sustenance, and sexual abuse
• Exclusivity; dismissal of an outsider’s criticism and labeling an outsider as of the devil
• Withholding information and giving of information only to a selected few
• Conformity to a dangerous or unnatural religious view and practice
• Hostility that includes shunning (relational aggression, parental alienation) and persecution

Dr. Ronald Enroth, in his book “Churches that Abuse”, sets forth five characteristics of spiritual abuse:

1. Authority and Power – Spiritual abusers misuse and distort the concept of spiritual authority.
2. Manipulation and Control – Spiritual abusers often use fear, guilt and threats to achieve unquestioning obedience and loyalty.
3. Elitism and Persecution – Spiritual abusers often place themselves in a position of spiritual superiority, which they then use to justify their abusive behavior. Think of the Crusaders who used their supposed superiority as justification to abuse others, because they believed they were fighting for God.
4. Life-style and Experience – Spiritual abusers can create very rigid behaviors and beliefs and try to force others to have unquestioned conformity.
5. Dissent and Discipline – Spiritual abusers often suppress challenges and dissent. Spiritual abusers may discipline through humiliation, violence, deprivation and other forms of punishment.

Victims of spiritual abuse often do not recognize the behavior as abusive because the abusive demands can contain twisted elements of truth, and the victim desires to be obedient and righteous.

Effects of Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse can have a devastating effect on the lives of victims, beginning with diminished self esteem and self worth. Spiritual abuse is often perpetuated by a person of authority, such as a parent or religious leader, who the victim should be able to trust. So, when that higher level of trust is violated, the deeper wound can make it difficult for the person to trust legitimate spiritual authority. The victim may also find it difficult to trust God.

Enroth says that spiritual abusers generally feel that people who question spiritually abusive activities are not being submissive to authority. As a result, victims could suffer extreme character assassination intended to stop the victim’s liberation from the spiritually abusive person or situation.

In more serious cases of abuse, even more serious effects can occur.

Recovering from Spiritual Abuse

The first step to escaping spiritual abuse may be to recognize and understand what is happening. This may involve studying the topic and/or speaking to a qualified expert outside the sphere of the abuse. Many books have been written on the topic of spiritual abuse.

The second step may be to stop the cycle of abuse.  If it is safe to do so, bring the spiritual abuse to light in as loving and non-confrontational manner as possible. The victim needs to identify the abusive behavior to the abuser and establish clear boundaries for abuser if there is to be an ongoing relationship. The victim may need a network of people who can provide the strength and additional support necessary to stop and recover from the abuse. This support network may need to include assistance from a qualified expert.

If the abusive behavior does not stop, the victim may need to leave the abusive relationship. Christ-like forgiveness and love does not include enabling an abuser to continue the abusive behavior. We should love and forgive the abuser, but should not tolerate any form of abuse. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

Then, the victim will be in a safer place to learn the true attributes of God, including His love, forgiveness and grace. God is not a god of abuse, and the actions of abusers are not representative of the doctrines or love of God. The victim may need a significant amount of time to learn to trust spiritual leaders and God.

Conclusion

I am not a counselor or a spiritual abuse expert. So, please take this article as merely my unqualified opinion and not expert advice. I am far from perfect myself. This article is not intended to judge or accuse anyone specifically. It is intended to help bring to light a serious type of abuse.

If a friend or family member is healing from abuse, one of the worst things we can do is judge the victim, even if we are unsure about the validity of their allegations. Abuse is often committed in secret, without any witnesses.  So, just because we have not witnessed any abuse does not mean that the abuse did not happen.

When victims of abuse stand up to abuse, they are often not believed. Victims of spiritual abuse who try to leave the abusive relationship are sometimes attacked as being spiritually unworthy or unrighteous. Friends and family members of spiritual abuse victims and abusers may take sides and cause further harm to someone who is already wounded.

If we are a friend or family member of someone who is trying to free themselves of a spiritually abusive situation, one of the best things we can do is to simply love that person, and avoid judging or taking sides.

If you are a victim of spiritual abuse, know that God is not a god of abuse.  You are His child and He loves you.  He would never abuse you, and anyone who abuses you in the name of God will have to answer to God. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior to be worthy of that love.  He wants us to be eternally happy. If you are still a prisoner to abuse, get the help you need today so you can find the freedom and peace you deserve and that God wants for you.  As the apostle Paul said:

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” – Galations 5:1

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